Friday, April 23, 2010

BBC reports on "World's Unluckiest Woman"

For the past ten years the BBC, possibly the most respected news source in the world, has been following the 'fortunes' of an otherwise ordinary person who has been dubbed by the press "The World's Unluckiest Woman".

Dee Safortunado of Scunthorpe, England first came to the attention of scientists early in the new millenium when it was discovered that she was the only person to have actually caught the much-feared Y2K Bug.

In December 2002, when the BBC reported that British Telecom was the most complained about service provider in the UK, BT responded that "the majority" of complaints were from Dee Safortunado (pictured below). With Dee, if anything can go wrong, it does.

In June 2003 the BBC announced that Dee had unwittingly become entangled in the infamous 'War of the IM networks', and Dee was quoted as saying "It's enough to drive you crazy" which any sane person can fully understand.

In September 2003 the BBC reported on the MSBlast worm, and how it had "hit some users hard".

Dee Safortunado was quoted as saying that the vicious worm had in fact hit her so hard that it had knocked the wind out of her and left her with two broken ribs.

At the time there were some public questions over the fact that in photos Dee Safortunado always seemed to be in exactly the same 'stance'. A BBC spokesman responded that this was in truth the result of a freak workplace incident in which Dee had accidently superglued her hands to her head. "She isn't called the World's Unluckiest Woman for nothing." he added.

In June 2005, during the European Union's ultimately doomed attempt to 'metrify' time, Unions complained that "long hours increase stress" and the BBC quoted Dee as saying that being constantly photographed infront of her computer increased her stress almost as much as long hours did.

Dee went on to become a high profile member of the campaign to reject the 100 minute hour and return to the now widely accepted standard of 60 minutes.

Some years later, for their acclaimed December 2009 "Ten years after doomsday" report, the BBC revisted Dee's well-documented problems recovering from the Y2K Bug.

Dee told the BBC that while it was true that "Computer problems caused by the Bug were few and far between", at the time it had badly effected her health and had required a long and painful convalescence. However, in a fascinating twist, doctors have discovered that Dee does not age. "We have been studying Dee for more than a decade," her personal physician stated "and in that time she has not aged a single day. She looks just the same."

Earlier this month Dee returned to the headlines with the recent launch of Microsoft's 'fix it' program.

Knowing of her many well-documented computer related problems, Microsoft found a perfect Guinea pig in Dee and consulted her regularly during the entire development process. Dee said that "Many PC problems can be very frustrating to find and fix" but that between her and Microsoft this was likely to become a thing of the past. However when Dee added that "Windows 7 Was My Idea", sales of the new software reportedly plummeted and she was forced to make a hasty retraction.

The BBC has said that they will continue to follow Dee's trials and tribulations and are currently working on a major feature about her career and future plans once she retires from her role as a government Health and Safety consultant next year.

"One of the advantages of the fact that Dee does not age" a BBC spokesman said "is that we probably don't need a new photo of her for the feature. We actually have a team working on it as I speak... as we believe we may have an old picture on file somewhere which we could use."

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